Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
