I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
