question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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