Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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