i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
