The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
