That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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