honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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