T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
