I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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