The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
