Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
