your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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