You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm bleeding and have questions
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
