if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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