I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
