ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
