He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
