the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
