I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
