Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Come see our sink grown plant.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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