i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
