I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize