well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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