That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
