yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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