Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
