I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
40s are totally the cure
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize