I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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