i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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