Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
