hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
