seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
