Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I could fuck to npr.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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