He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
