The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
