Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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