"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
