Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
