im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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