Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
