he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
