I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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