Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize