I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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