your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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