8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Your mouth is God's brothel.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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