If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
