The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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