There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
