allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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