I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
