Got a toothbrush?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Houston, we have a squirter
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
