u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
