HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
