he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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