apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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