you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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