Can Purell be used as lube?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize