I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize