I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Too much gin, very little bucket
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
