I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
