We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
