i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
