Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
