My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
