yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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