farters have to be the big spoon...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
