i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
