What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
