you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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