Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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