That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
