My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want a musical about memes.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
