So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I forgot how hot balto sounded
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
