So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
