i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
