Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
