so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
