She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
