did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Never underestimate the power of titties
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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