i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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