just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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