Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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