I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
