So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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