If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The beer is more important than you right now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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