Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
