i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
