He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You ruined the universe
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
