i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've blown a few things in my day
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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