Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
