I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
