so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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