He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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