You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
