Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
