Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize