I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
