2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
