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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?

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• (716): View more from New York

  It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.

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• (646): View more from New York

  I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard

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• (819): View more from Quebec

  I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN

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